and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
