note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize