Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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