Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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