she told me i tasted like america
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize