You just made me feel so damn special
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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