The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize