Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
