You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
