I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
