it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
