if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
