My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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