Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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