So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
