I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
