I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have feelings that need drinking.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
