why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Even my vagina gasped.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
