i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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