I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
