he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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