So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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