she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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