Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize