yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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