Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
