I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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