My hair reeks of homosexuality.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
