the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize