you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
