I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
