every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
