Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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