Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
