Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
