The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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