How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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