Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
