I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
