haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
