I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
