i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
