Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
