someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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