dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
