There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
