I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
