Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he puts the penis in happiness.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
