This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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