Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
