i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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