Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
