She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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