Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize