no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize