Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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