Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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