how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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