Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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