I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
