1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
