if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
