ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
