Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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