And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
