So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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