She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
