either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
