Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
