So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
