i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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