sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
