Sponge bath it is.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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