capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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