Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
