I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
