yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
