Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
