shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
