Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
