I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
