I want to walk on stilts...naked
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
