This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
