one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
