I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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