Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
