i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
