I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
