I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
